Monday, November 2, 2015

It is eight fourteen at night.
It is nice and dark out.
And clear.
I can see all of the stars spread across the sky.
And all i think about.
All my brain will allow me to think about.
Is my faults.
What i have recently ruined.
What i have done.
And how i hurt people.
Have you ever lied.
Like a big lie.
A big ugly lie.
And to the most important people in your world.
The people you need.
That you need in order to be okay.
That weighs on you every waking moment.
Because you know that you could have done better.
And you know deep down that what you did was wrong.
But you had to.
Your brain needed release.
And it found it.
Even if it came about in a cruel manner.
This action comes with a plethora of emotions.
Many of them are painful.
They wreck you.
Break you down,
And this hurts you.
You know that it hurts you.
It hurts so bad.
It's a special feeling of pain.
Unique to circumstance.
But not as bad as it does when reality hits.
When the eye of the storm you have created hits you.
And you are suddenly discovered.
Your ugly side is brought out into the open.
For the world of people you care about to see.
You are discovered at your lowest form.
Your lowest low.
This devastates you.
Because these people.
That see you.
Are the people that mean the most to you.
The ones that you want to impress.
the ones you want to see you succeed.
And to see you at your best.
So when they see your ugly side.
The part of you that you desperately try to conceal.
Because you know that it would hurt them to see you in pain.
They are generally not mad.
And you want them to be mad.
You want to be cursed at and screamed at.
Because you are numb.
You have not felt in the longest time.
That was your cry for help.
And you are teetering on the edge.
Between drifting away and trying to feel again.
And being yelled at would push you towards a decision.
They are hurt.
And you never wanted to hurt them.
Your whole goal was to hide your pain.
And to hide your numbness form the world.
Specifically them.
Because you could not stand knowing that they knew you were in pain.
They are scared.
Not of you although it may feel like this.
But they are scared for you.
Because they know that they can not protect you.
They can not protect you from what you bottle up inside.
And when you do not allow them access to you.
And you pretend.
And you portray somebody different than yourself.
Somebody you know they will accept.
They don't know you.
They can not save you from a part of you.
That they do not know exists.
They feel blind.
Because their only job.
Their only responsibility was to protect you.
And you dint let them.
You made them fail.
It was your fault.
And you are going to have to live with that.
That you hurt them.
You made them feel that pain.
The pain you were trying to prevent.
You ended up causing.
They did not see this coming.
You can not expect them to see something coming.
That they did not know was the slightest possibility.
They had no idea that you hurting.
Because you hid.
I have been living with this pain.
I was found out.
And i am not ashamed to say.
That i need help.
And now i am getting the life saving help i needed.
But i didn't know how to ask for it.
My advice to you.
Whether you decide to take it or not.
I feel the need to tell you.
The void.
The readers.
Because i feel that this is important.
It could save somebody.
I am asking you to acknowledge your pain.
That is hard yes.
But i believe in you.
You are stronger than you may know.
Acknowledge it.
And then you must communicate.
You can not be afraid of asking for help.
People will surprise you.
When faced with challenges people react differently.
But they react with the goal of helping you in mind.
I will leave yo with that my readers.
Remember that you are strong.
And that you are worth trying for.
Good night my Readers.

Friday, October 9, 2015

I can't sleep.
I have not slept in a long while.
Yet i still dream.
My brain is a beautiful escape from reality.
Sometimes i like to go far far away.
To a place where i can no longer fathom a reality.
Where things are only beautiful,
And there is no pain.
Its peaceful.
As wonderful as this magical place is,
This is not that i need.
Sometimes i really don't want things to be perfect.
As nice as it can be.
It can be sickening having things be perfect.
So instead.
My intelligent brain works.
It works hard to free me.
It soon comes up with an alternative.
A alternate universe.
Just for me.
For my soul to run wild within.
Do as i please.
Yet another place that i can be whatever i wish to be.
My brain takes things from the real world.
Things that i find perfect.
I know that it is odd.
But there are thing.
Usually quite obscure.
Hidden through the clouds of reality.
There hidden.
Are specks of true beauty.
And objects.
That are truly radiant.
Everyone has one.
I know that it may be hard to believe.
That everyone has one.
But trust me when i say this.
We will all find our shard of beauty.
Its out there.
Just waiting to be found.
People worry that if they do not rush to find this beauty.
That their small piece of pure beauty will simply cease to exist.
But that is not how this works.
That small piece of beauty.
Your piece of beauty.
It will not move on from you.
That is put on this earth for you to find.
For you.
And you for them.
They are meant to be with you.
And as they wait for you to find them.
You don't even realize it.
But you are waiting for them.
You have never met.
But you complete each other.
You need them just as much as they need you.
Its comforting really.
Knowing that there is a single piece of beauty put on this earth just for you.
So i take this piece of beauty.
My piece of beauty.
I take it and i put it in to my escape.
Imagining what life would be like with them.
The simple details.
And no limitations.
No time restraints.
We would never feel pain.
Or loss.
We would be completely content.
Free of Pain and suffering.
Life would be lived to its fullest.
Every second of every day would be used for the better.
That is where i go.
When these frequent sleepless nights occur.
I run in to my own mind.
Holding on to that piece of beauty.
My piece of beauty.
I hope you all find your pieces of beauty soon.
Do not worry they are out there.
I will leave you be now with this thought.
Goodnight my dear readers.

Thursday, October 8, 2015

It is 4:15 on a Thursday evening.
The past month has been a whirlwind.
People from my past are reappearing.
And people in my present are giving me trouble.
My love life is thriving.
And not to mention the academic world is demanding.
Trying to handle this with grace and poise is growing harder.
People are getting under my skin more easily now.
Is this because my views about topics are becoming a bigger part of who i am.
Is it that i am just not an agreeable person.
To be fully honest with you i do not know.
But i am trying to handle this with as much class and fairness as i can.
After some time it starts to take its toll though.
It hurts knowing that what you say is not being heard, yet being rejected harshly.
It pains me thinking that i have caused people unintentional pain due to past relationships.
I never want to be the cause of pain, or unneeded anger.
I don't like to upset people.
I like to protect the people i care about.
i love to make them feel like their opinions and reasonings are heard.
That is important to me.
Very important.
I try my very hardest to always be the bigger person, in theses situations.
But sadly.
it's becoming harder.
Whether or not i am being heard becomes more important to me.
than if i am perceived t have handled my self in a proper respectful manner.
But i am human.
I can not help it.
When you hurt somebody i care about,
Please keep in mind, that this action hurts me.
Because knowing that i have failed to protect somebody i care about pains me.
I don't handle that well.
Im working on it.
I know that i should put these things behind me.
But it is very hard.
The fact you hurt somebody i care about, will taint my view of you.
Know that i do not let things go.
I hold on to things.
Grief holds on clawing at me.
Pain still stings.
Tears are eternally flowing.
My happiness never dulls.
My memories will never be forgotten.
The regret of actions and lack there of haunts me.
Fear will never loosen its hold on me.
I cant.
my mind will not let me let go.
trust me i want to let it go.
I don't like to hold on.
I want to let go, like i want the emotion to release me.
People judge.
they get so angry with me sometimes.
So i try.
I try so hard to let go.
But it hurts.
I'm sorry.
I thought i would throw that out there.
To the world.
That i am sorry i can't let go.
I don't honestly want to let them go.
But society wants me too.
So i should right.
Tr t be normal.
Let it go.
I will leave you with that my readers.
Have a good evening.

Thursday, September 3, 2015

Its 9:42am.
On a Thursday morning.
Its a tad foggy out.
And quite damp.
I know that it had rained the night before.
Because i was awake.
Last night.
There was no sleep.
I lied there awake.
Pondering ideas.
Trying to come up with solutions.
For my petty self induced problems.
I do everything that i believe my mind is capable of in that moment.
I adore this time, i have.
Alone with my self.
I know that it is a selfish behaviour.
Self destructive really.
This is vital time i am told.
I am still growing.
My body is still growing.
But i feel that during this time.
I am growing.
Growing stronger.
More clever.
Yes i may scare my self.
With the ideas and thoughts that my sick brain conjures up.
Some of them can be deep.
And rather complex.
But sometimes using the same brain.
The same brain that conjures up complex ordeals.
Comes out the most shallow inconsiderate ones.
Sometimes i wonder if i am selfish.
But then i parooze the idea for a while.
Think it over.
rolling it around and around in my brain.
then i finally come to the answer.
No i am not selfish.
I know i am not.
Because when i gorge my self in that sickly self indulgent feeling.
I feel as though i am rotting.
I despise the feeling of selfishness.
This is only one of the small thoughts.
That wonder their way in to my lovely monstrous brain.
At ungodly hours of the night.
Maybe some time.
I will show you a more complex wonder.
until next time.

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Why do people feel the need to hide their beautiful differences?
I believe i have found the answer.
Differences scare people.
People believe that things must continue the way began.
Set in stone.
Its not supposed to differ.
From person to person.
It is supposed to be the same.
Supposed to be.
But people are brave.
We constantly test the limits of the normal.
Once we know the limits.
We break them.
We refuse to be limited.
By people who are scared.
Never ever be afraid.
Afraid of what scared people may think.
Its worrying yes.
But i promise you.
If you step outside the normal.
That tight plastic bubble of normal.
That suffocating feeling.
You have the capability.
The bravery inside of you.
To break out of the normal.
SAo please.
I am asking you.
A request really.
Don't limit your self.
I will leave it up to you to interpret.
Interpret what it means to you.
Because if i tell you.
I will be telling you how to free me.
Not yourself.
I will leave you to ponder that.
Goodbye dear readers.

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

It is 7:03am on a Wednesday 
And i am sitting here looking at my monitor. 
I am so worried.
All the time. 
I am not in any immediate danger i am always worried.
About big details. 
Small details.
And everything inbetween.
It just started to rain.
Its raining hard enough so that you can see it coming down sideways.
And hitting the pavement outside my window.
I am leaving today.
Leaving my house.
Where i used to feel safe.
heading to my grandmas.
Shes sick.
I dont think that i have ever been more scared of a word before. 
But when i heard that this word was in her. 
hurting her. 
I was enraged.
All at the same time.
So ever since that dismal day we have been making the six hour drive to see her.
Shes so happy.
Or so it seems. 
She puts up this wall. 
This fake wall.
Telling you that she is always fine when you can tell she is hurting.
I hate to see my little grandma in that much pain all the time. 
And you know what the kicker is. 
I cant help. 
I can't cure cancer for her. 
I cant even ease her suffering. 
I am just a devastated bystander. 
I have felt help;less for the past few months. 
Ever since we heard the news.
I want to make everything okay for her. 
I never want her to hurt. 
Its amazing really.
I care immensely.
But i feel so selfish.
I dont want to leave.
I have someone here.
Somebody very special.
They have been what is keeping me okay through all of this.
I just got back. 
Saw them once. 
Only a small series of small moments. 
Small but wonderful. 
I dont want to leave.
They keep me okay.
And i have to leave them.
It may only be a few days. 
But if you have ever loved somebody. 
The way i do them. 
Then you will understand.
Just how much i need them.
I feel safe in their arms. 
And i adore listening to them talk.
Every word seems to soothe my nerves.
How do i feel bad about wanting to be with them.
They make me feel safe.
I never want to leave them. 
But i know the comfort of my grandmother is more important. 
Time is limited. 
I miss them though. 
When i am siting there. 
Watching her get chemo. 
In so much pain. 
I cant help it. 
I think of them. 
Wishing i could hold them. 
And be held.
I miss them.
So much my stomach aches.
But i bite my lip. 
Knowing that i will come back. 
I will see them again. 
Thats what keeps me going. 
The hope of being with them again. 
I am going now readers. 
Until next time.

Saturday, August 8, 2015

Its 3:03pm on a saturday.
And i am thinking. 
Thinking and pondering.
What words describe me.
And that word came to mind.
That word describes me.
Very well actually.
I much rather stay home. 
It's not that i don't enjoy going out.
i have no problem with it.
I can go out have a good time.
But at the end of the day.
I rather be home.
Going out can be stressful for me. 
It causes me anxiety. 
I worry.
I can't control it.
I am smart.
That is fact. 
Public speaking does not scare me. 
I know i have a voice. 
Quite it may be, but i know its powerful.
But none the less going out troubles me. 
Worries me. 
There is no reason for me to worry.
Wonderful friends and a coffee shop.
Sounds idyllic.
Good conversation. 
Good coffee. 
What's wrong with me.
I can have a good time. 
I can enjoy my time out.
But it takes a lot.
Takes a lot to get out.
And let people in.
I suppose that i feel safe home. 
And that when i walk out the door the shield of a safe home disappears.
That may sound odd.
I feel you are more susceptible to pain and judgment out there.
I used to think that i had to stay home. 
Only go out when necessary.
 That was my mindset.
I have met some one. 
They make me feel safe.
I can trust them. 
I used to go out and be stressed worried, irritable.
Now i go out and they allow me to see things with beauty.
And reason.
 I don't worry like i used to when i am with them.
I am so thankful for them.
I let them in.
And was happily surprised.
I may still prefer staying in.
But i am not opposed or scared of the prospect of going out with them.
They bring beauty in to my world.
I love them.
I hope that all of you. 
My readers. 
And people who don't know i exist. 
I hope that all of you have some one who love you. 
And make your world beautiful. 
You deserve a beautiful world. 
Till another time my readers. 

Saturday, July 18, 2015

Its 4:30pm.
On a saturday.
And i can't help but look back at where i was a while ago.
Love played a big part of it
Love is very powerful.
And people are strong.
Love and people work together.
people are interdependent with love.
People love.
People love lots of things.
Some things bigger than others.
Some things smaller than others.
But they are all important.
People can love a plethora of things.
They love ridiculous things.
They can love things that hurt them.
Or things that make them happy.
Including other people.
People can make people happy.
And they can also degrade people.
yet we always yearn for it.
Having people to love is vitally important.
When we feel alone we are left with our thoughts.
Don't get me wrong being with your thoughts is very good.
Healthy as well.
But it can be dangerous when you are feeling alone.
Feeling alone.
feeling alone is one of the most painful feelings.
When you are alone you doubt yourself.
Self doubt is powerful.
Terrifying even.
One of the most powerful emotions.
One of the most devastating.
It takes a lot to overcome.
We usually look to people to help us overcome it.
Yes it takes a lot.
And it takes a very strong person.
A loving person.
Sometimes you don't even have to know them.
You just have to feel connected.
Its important that you can relate to this person.
I have doubted myself before.
Degraded myself.
I shut down.
Closed myself off.
All because i don't think i was good enough.
i was desperate.
Desperate to feel connected to someone.
I found this through writing.
Specifically poetry.
That is how i found her.
The girl that i connected with.
The girl that saved me.
Sparked a feeling and connection in me.
Through a poem.
Body love.
This women that inspired me to keep trying,
To fight for my worth.
This women that made me realize i am beautiful.
Mary Lambert.
I can't put her beauty into words.
And i truly cant describe how powerful; her performance was.
It changed me.
changed the way i look at life.
And the way i look at and understand other people.
I want to finish up saying thank you.
Thank you Mary Lambert.
Thank you.

Monday, July 13, 2015

It's 11:20.
On a Monday night.
And I was thinking.
One of the things that causes pain in our lives are.
They can cause tremendous pain.
They can be broken.
And it seems when they are broken.
The result for someone is usually pain.
Or utter shock.
Because usually.
The person simply assumes that things are going to stay the same indefinitely.
They rather stay on the perfect world they have created for themselves.
They rather drag people in.
Make them believe the same thing.
Live the same way.
It's absurd.
People are not supposed to live the same way.
We are not copies.
We are originals.
And it is unexcepable.
It is unexcepable for people to push assumptions on people.
We should not be forced in to what is assumed to be the perfect lifestyle.
People are people.
So I dare you.
I dare you to defy these limiting assumptions.
Your life is yours.
Never let your self be limited by harsh assumptions.
It's not worth trying to impress people.
It's not worth trying to fit in to what is believed to be right.
Your happiness.
Your life.
And well being.
Are worth it.
So go out defy these assumptions.
I leave you with this challenge.
Just because you think of something as the right way.
Don't assume that that is how other people function.
Everyone is different.
Every life is different.
Goodnight readers.

Sunday, July 12, 2015

Here we are.
On a Sunday night.
I am looking back at the day.
So many conversations.
So many disputed view.
One question remains unresolved.
Somebody asked me, just how big is a dream.
I paused.
Pondering the thought.
I love dreams adore them.
They bring you back on forgotten memories. 
They allow you to explore spances of space and time within a matter of hours.
And i find comfort in knowing that they are under my control.
But how much of my dream do i actually have control over.
Content yes.
The people i interact with yes.
But the size and mass capacity of m dream is out of my control.
Its amazing to think about that.
How big something that your brain portrays actually is. 
This lead me to think isn't your dream just an extension of your imagination. 
Some people think of imagination as a quality.
That some people have bigger better ones than their peers.
I am not one of those people.
I believe that everyone has a very vast intricate imagination.
Each capable of wonderful beautiful things.
But that it is up to the person to activate the imagination.
Exceed the imaginations potential.
The person has to be strong enough to explore and extend the capacity of their imagination.
This is what leads people to feel some imaginations are better than others.
But really the case is that some people can harness control and use their imaginations in ways that enable them to exceed the potential of their imaginations.
So as i said before hand. 
Everyone is equipped with a fully functioning imagination.
They are all given the tools on how to use it. 
All provided the opportunities to showcase their imaginations capacity.
Its just that some of us let those slip by.
Out of our hands.
But some of us take hold of them.
Use them to our advantage.
Use them as a steeping ladder to what we want to achieve.
So if we all have an imagination.
And we all do different things with them. 
And the bountiful ideas thoughts and desires that we conjure up never stop. 
Our imagination is infinite. 
And if it is true that our dreams are stunning extensions of our already brilliant imaginations. 
Then i believe the answer to the question is that dreams are as big as you believe they can be. 
And i let you go tonight with this thought. 
Infinity \is possible in your brain. 
Explore it. 
Control it.
Improve it.
Goodnight Readers.
Dream well.

Hello everyone. 
I hope you have all been well.
I wanted to apologize for my absence. 
Life is demanding. 
I used to think teachers were demanding.
Parents were demanding. 
Then i realized that those demands don't compare to what life demands of you. 
Life is a beautiful challenge.
we all have challenges in our lives. 
Some are larger than others.
Some are smaller than others.
No matter the magnitude. 
They are all challenges. 
'That we must conquer. 
And they all demand we succeed. 
Or fail.
I enjoy a challenge. 
I never like to feel that i am not over coming my potential. 
I like pushing my boundaries,
If you don't test yourself then who will. 
How are you to prove yourself if you don't challenge yourself.
Although some challenges have negative effects on our lives. 
Others are quite positive in the outcome. 
They show people that you are strong. 
Strong enough to exceed you potential. 
People like to see others succeed.
Or fail trying. 
Next time a challenge presents itself. 
Don't let it pass.
Hold on to it.
Try to over come the challenge that faces you. 
The power to try has astonishing benefits. 
Don't surpass the opportunity to show people what you are made of.
Nothing is more hurtful than being under estimated. 
Refuse to be underestimated. 
You are worth more. 

Monday, June 29, 2015

Before i go to bed.
Attempting to sleep.
I thought i would talk you.
The people of the world.
I don't know how many of you people are in a deep relationship.
And what i mean by that is that marriage will soon follow.
But since i was a little girl i was taught that love is valuable.
And limitless.
I was told i could love anyone i wanted.
I dreamt about growing old with various people.
It didn't matter.
It didn't matter what sex i chose.
I always ended up happy.
So from a very young age i was very accepting to all kinds of love.
realizing that love is not determined by a man and a women,
I knew that love was deeper than that.
More complex than what we were being taught.
Growing up like this lead me to believing everyone had the right to spend the rest of their lives with the person they loved.
And have it be official.
Legalized and protected.
It took me time to realize others views.
I took the time to try and understand their reasoning for denying people these rights.
But for the life of me i could not understand it.
Much Less agree to their views.
I found it bizarre.
That people could fear the legal recognition of peoples love.
it didn't make sense to me,
That people had to fight,
Fight for their love and their rights,
I supported them.
I voiced my opinions.
I helped the fight for love.
Now i do believe we have won,
This date will live on in history.
For on this date love was recognized.
In the United States of America.
Love is now recognized and protected.
My friend can marry his boyfriend.
My friend can dream about marrying her crush legally.
My friend can marry her girlfriend.
This is a new age.
Powered by emotion.
Now i bid you all goodnight,
And i hope you all rest well knowing that you can love who you please.
And grow old with who you love.

Nobody likes to miss something.
Because that means that, that something is not with you. 
Whether it was taken from you.
Or you simply lost it.
It hurts. 
Missing something hurts. 
Because the thing you need is not with you. 
Some people feel guilty for missing something. 
Don't you ever feel guilty. 
Missing something means that you cared about it enough to miss its presence.
It means that, that thing wad important to you.
And missing that is nothing to feel guilty about. 
The pain of missing something is great enough it does not need help hurting you with guilt. 
Remember that , that thing you are missing was important. 
Don't try to forget it, whatever it may be it brought you joy. 
Forgetting what brought you joy, will not help you. 
Recognizing that you will no longer have that in your life is important. 
Physically that thing will not be there when you want or need it.
That is a fact. 
A sad fact. 
Never the less it is gone. 
It will not be there for you physically. 
That does not mean you will never feel that joy again.
That joy was important. 
Don't forget it.
Memorize it. 
What about it made you happy.
Take the time to memorize all of the small little details.
That once made it special. 
This time is vital.
Remembering what mad you happy is vital. 
There is no shame wanting to hold on to something. 
Those memories will be important to you. 
You will probably dwell on them. 
Thinking them over.
Altering them. 
Making them so they keep making you happy.
Although that this thing is gone. 
And will not return. 
Does not mean they are forgotten. 
And does not mean that they cant keep making you happy. 
Missing something is human. 
Never feel shameful for missing something. 
It brings you joy.
Joy is how you move on. 
Holding on is important. 
Although recognizing that moving on with out that thing is also equally important. 
When it comes down to it.
There is no need to pretend that this beautiful memory never happened. 
Remembering is holding on. 
There is no shame in that.

Here we go. 
Its a Monday,approximately 1:01.
And i told you yesterday that i would try to talk to you about something very frightening.  
A human creation. 
That has evolved over time. 
Into this monstrous template, that we are told our lives have to conform to.
We are told that if we want to be valued, if we want our opinions to be valued. 
Then we must conform. 
This conformist lifestyle is drilled in to our brains from the time we are born. 
Our parents wanting to protect us from the cruelty that follows when we do not conform.
All they want for us ios to be happy. 
But when you have to choose between your happiness and others happiness. 
I choice my happiness.
And if that means defying society.
Then so be it. 
You should never be afraid.
When it comes down to it. 
Then choose whatever makes you happy.
And if that means breaking the uptight rules and regulations of this terrifyingly controlling society.
Then go for it. 
Break down the limiting walls of the society that keeps you chained up.
break free.
And show society what it means to be yourself. 
Society is a scary place created by scared people. 
Trying to bring order and organization to life. 
But you can not limit or control life. 
Life is yours.
Not a society that requires you to be someone built to perfection.
Never feel limited.
Never feel like you are being controlled.
Youre not.
You decide what you want to do. 
And do it.
Society maybe scary.
But you are in control of it.  
Change society to your criteria. 
Its your life. 
Your decision. 

Sunday, June 28, 2015

I couldn't wait.
I wanted to continue talking to you.
All of you.
People of the vast world.
Immensely complicated.
Clearly simple.
Dreams tend to confuse us and guide us, all at once.
People claim that dreams are signs.
Signs that warn them.
Show them the way, leading them.
Reassuring them.
Dreams comfort us.
we adore them.
They can fill us with deep joy.
Letting us experience things that we may never get to do in reality.
Showing us new realities.
That we could not fathom when we are awake.
For when we are awake we are in society.
Society is a discussion for yet another meeting.
 During my fourteen years of life i have learned that there is an escape from reality.
A simple solution really.
Day dreams.
One of the things that brings me joy in my life.
Day dreaming allows you to slip in to your own reality.
I for one, can not stand the majority of people i interact with on a daily basis.
Many i am sure are wonderful people.
In fact i am positive that they are grand people.
But their company at that moment is simply not wanted, much less needed.
En thus a daydream in sues.
Daydreams are a thing of beauty.
They allow you the simple pleasure of being alone.
Even when you are in a crowded society.
So, the next time you find yourself wishing you were somewhere other than where you find yourself.
Then all you have to do is simply dream.
Your imagination is vast.
complex and intellectual.
I am positive that you can create something of comfort to you.
Just think.
And dream.

What a beautiful thing.
People want it so badly.
It comes easily to many.
And rarely to some.
I am one of those people.
I unfortunate group.
The group that hopes for a goodnight sleep.
Sleep is a simple pleasure.
It makes us feel good.
To some sleep is an inconvenience.
Time consuming.
And overly demanding.
It is a constant need.
If people want to be productive sleep is vital.
Valuable even.
People are usually much kinder when they are rested.
Sleep is one of those sick circles.
We hate it because we feel we miss out.
We crave it, because life drains us.
I have a question.
If sleep is vital to being a functioning human being, then why is it practically impossible to fall asleep.
Let alone dream.
Well dreams are another story.
Full of unimaginable beauties and deep mysteries.
A discussion for another time.
I bid you all a good night.

Well look at that 11;02pm on a sunday night.
Any other normal person would be sound asleep by now.
Lucky for you, i am of course not what society deems normal.
If i was i certainly would not be writing this blog.
I am in fact a teenager.
Which means very little sleep is required.
This allows me a plethora of time to dwell on things.
Someone who will remain anonymous, told me this year that i was powerful.
I greatly doubted them.
I mean i am not physically strong, never have been never will be.
And my mental strength is dismal in comparison.
So this prompted me to ask why this person thought of me as powerful.
They answered.
this is what they told me.
People think  that vocalization is the only way to win a fight, i believe that our power is not determined by our voices but by the power of our thoughts.
I took what they said in to very heavy consideration for a moment.
Keep in mind that this person knows me very well.
They know me better than anyone else does.
They took the time to memorize me.
So i had no doubt when i realized what they meant.
They wanted me to use my brain and my written word to change something.
The something that i am going to change is yet to be determined.
But they saw something in me.
They knew that i was powerful.
They also saw that i had a purpose.
They could see that i didn't realize it, till now.
I came to an assumption.
Powerful people, powerful yes, but they can not make a change, But powerful people who know they are powerful, well those people are unstoppable.
So here i am trying to make a change using my mind.
I have been told that we are all here because we have a purpose.
I have also been told that my purpose is to change something.
Here i am.
Making a change.
So what is your purpose.
Maybe you don't know yet.
I know that i am still testing the waters of mine.
This may not be all of what life holds for me.
But i intend to found out.
And help people along the way.
That is why i am writing this all down.
I am here.
I am here for you.
This is my journey of experiencing life and leaving my mark.
But you are welcome along for the ride.