Saturday, August 8, 2015

Its 3:03pm on a saturday.
And i am thinking. 
Thinking and pondering.
What words describe me.
And that word came to mind.
That word describes me.
Very well actually.
I much rather stay home. 
It's not that i don't enjoy going out.
i have no problem with it.
I can go out have a good time.
But at the end of the day.
I rather be home.
Going out can be stressful for me. 
It causes me anxiety. 
I worry.
I can't control it.
I am smart.
That is fact. 
Public speaking does not scare me. 
I know i have a voice. 
Quite it may be, but i know its powerful.
But none the less going out troubles me. 
Worries me. 
There is no reason for me to worry.
Wonderful friends and a coffee shop.
Sounds idyllic.
Good conversation. 
Good coffee. 
What's wrong with me.
I can have a good time. 
I can enjoy my time out.
But it takes a lot.
Takes a lot to get out.
And let people in.
I suppose that i feel safe home. 
And that when i walk out the door the shield of a safe home disappears.
That may sound odd.
I feel you are more susceptible to pain and judgment out there.
I used to think that i had to stay home. 
Only go out when necessary.
 That was my mindset.
I have met some one. 
They make me feel safe.
I can trust them. 
I used to go out and be stressed worried, irritable.
Now i go out and they allow me to see things with beauty.
And reason.
 I don't worry like i used to when i am with them.
I am so thankful for them.
I let them in.
And was happily surprised.
I may still prefer staying in.
But i am not opposed or scared of the prospect of going out with them.
They bring beauty in to my world.
I love them.
I hope that all of you. 
My readers. 
And people who don't know i exist. 
I hope that all of you have some one who love you. 
And make your world beautiful. 
You deserve a beautiful world. 
Till another time my readers. 

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