Thursday, September 3, 2015

Its 9:42am.
On a Thursday morning.
Its a tad foggy out.
And quite damp.
I know that it had rained the night before.
Because i was awake.
Last night.
There was no sleep.
I lied there awake.
Pondering ideas.
Trying to come up with solutions.
For my petty self induced problems.
I do everything that i believe my mind is capable of in that moment.
I adore this time, i have.
Alone with my self.
I know that it is a selfish behaviour.
Self destructive really.
This is vital time i am told.
I am still growing.
My body is still growing.
But i feel that during this time.
I am growing.
Growing stronger.
More clever.
Yes i may scare my self.
With the ideas and thoughts that my sick brain conjures up.
Some of them can be deep.
And rather complex.
But sometimes using the same brain.
The same brain that conjures up complex ordeals.
Comes out the most shallow inconsiderate ones.
Sometimes i wonder if i am selfish.
But then i parooze the idea for a while.
Think it over.
rolling it around and around in my brain.
then i finally come to the answer.
No i am not selfish.
I know i am not.
Because when i gorge my self in that sickly self indulgent feeling.
I feel as though i am rotting.
I despise the feeling of selfishness.
This is only one of the small thoughts.
That wonder their way in to my lovely monstrous brain.
At ungodly hours of the night.
Maybe some time.
I will show you a more complex wonder.
until next time.